A little over 13 years ago I became an aunt. I remember how strange it was for me the first time I met Serai as a newborn. She was so beautiful, and although she was still a stranger to me, she somehow perfectly belonged in the family. I lived in a different city at the time, so I didn't get to see her as often as I would have liked. We would always have to get through a 10 minute "get to know eachother again" phase when she came to visit, but after that...she was mine. Elly didn't see much of her while I was around. I was in love. After Serai came Marek, Silas, and Ariya, and I have loved each one of them more than they will ever realize. It used to irritated me when people would say, "just wait until you have your own kids". I just wanted to yell, "I DO love them like my own!!". I would ache to see them if multiple days went by without me getting to hold them, and I would secretly jump for joy when people said Ariya looked just like me and could be mine.
Two years ago I became a mom, and that baby girl helped put things in perspective. I get it...I now understand why people say, "just wait until you have your own kids". I still maintain that I love my nieces and nephews as much as my own kids. I was right about that. But yes, there is a difference. No matter how strong the love of an aunt is, that love just isn't reciprocated. At the end of the day, they will always prefer their own mommy. That's one of the things that makes being a mom so special. Kids want their mommies when they're sick, when they want to be held, when they are getting tucked into bed or waking up in the middle of the night scared (or just thirsty), and when they are just so happy that they want to give random hugs...I love that I now play that role in the lives of my two sweet kiddos.
I realize my kids will need me less and less as they get older, and probably won't fully understand how much I love them until they have kids of their own, but for now I'm relishing the fact that I'm their favorite. Being a mom is hard sometimes. It can be physically exhausting as well as mentally draining. It sometimes feels like I live in a constant emotional whirlwind of mourning the passing of phases, enjoying the present, and anticipating the future. Most days I breath a sigh of relief once the days is done and they are tucked in bed, yet I go to bed and can't wait until tomorrow when I can be their mom all over again.
As much as I love my nieces and nephews, it no longer upsets me if they stretch out their arms for their mom when I'm holding them, want to go home after spending the day with me, or don't want to sit with me during church. I get it. They don't just love her, they need her. She's their favorite.
